I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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