just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
