I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
