Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
