So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
