Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
