New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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