new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
