I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Your dad touched me again.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
