The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
