So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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