thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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