I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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