This girl is more easily done than said...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
