Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
