Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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