You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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