i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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