i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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