No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
