Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
