He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
