i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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