My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My pussy is not your playground.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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