My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
