I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
