I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
