ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
my poor anus
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
