you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
