just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
accomplished twins. life is a go
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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