my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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