I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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