I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A+ Viking dick
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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