1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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