dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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