If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
