so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
