so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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