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dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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