You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize
