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i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
