I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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