Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
