i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
