my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
