I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
