I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
