Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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