Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
