It's Friday. Sex?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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