the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
