I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
