His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
