I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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