Jerry, you need to find god
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
