k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
